ONLINE GAMES WORTH PLAYING, AMONG OTHER THINGS MINUTIA AND INCONSEQUENTIA Has the state of the world left you feeling depressed lately? Perhaps watching this excruciatingly detailed Japanese animation of what it will be like when a giant meteorite collides with our planet -- and it's only a matter of time -- will help give you a different perspective on things. Preznit Dubya is suffering from a long list of political maladies. He's got lingering war, leaky officials and sagging poll numbers. Can you find and remove the WORST problem in his cabinet? Test yourself now, by playing this crazy new game of White House Operation! If you're anything like yer old pal Jerky, you're a blubbery man-child who still enjoys the occasional cartoon every now and then. Therefore, you'll probably make good use of this regularly updated list of cartoons currently available for free, online, at Youtube.com. All I could think as I was reading this BBC report on a group of scientists who have developed "emotionally aware" computers designed to read people's minds by analysing expressions, was: "Oh, shit..." Is cult cinema titan Alejandro Jodorowsky -- creator of such soul-shattering, mind-fucking classics as El Topo, The Holy Mountain and Santa Sangre -- finally making good on his threat to unleash one final masterpiece before exiting, stage left? If this TwitchFilm report is to be believed, a budget has been secured, Nick Nolte and Marilyn Manson have signed on, and pre-production is finally rolling on Kill Shot, which the master has described as his "metaphysical spaghetti gangster film". Yer old pal Jerky is keeping his fingers crossed. Send all Jokes, Letters and other stuff to Jerky: jerkyleboeuf@gmail.com

ON THIS DAY June 27 On this day in 1844, Mormon founder Joseph Smith and his brother Hyrum are lynched (shot) by an angry mob outside a Carthage, Illinois jailhouse. To this day, some believe that a man who tried to decapitate the cult leader's corpse with a knife was prevented from doing so by a lightning bolt, but yer old pal Jerky suspects that story is bullshit. On this day in 1954, the CIA -- using money, propaganda, weapons and personnel -- overthrows the democratically elected government of Guatemala, installing some of the most profoundly evil fuckers in the hemisphere in their stead. The Powers That Be consider this a great moral victory. On this day in 1990, Salman Rushdie -- condemned to death by Iran's Ayatollah Khomeni for penning the "blasphemous" novel, The Satanic Verses -- contributes $8600 to help earthquake victims in Iran. Unfortunately for Salman, Iran's leaders saw through his little good-will ploy and refused to revoke the fatwah. On this day in 1995, stammering sex symbol Hugh Grant and street-walking cocksucker Divine Brown are arrested by the LAPD for expressing their love for each other in the front seat of Grant's white BMW. On this day in 2001, people start saying some very disturbing things about quasi-autistic, sexually ambiguous "comedienne" Paula Poundstone when she's arrested for "lewd conduct with a minor". The media kept discussing it until the terrorist attacks of 9/11, afterwhich they stop. Soon thereafter, she pleads guilty to a lesser charge, and the details of her indictment are never disclosed to the public.

THEY SAID IT! "A show of hands please -- Who else thinks it's funny that the National Review now wants New York Times reporters expelled from the White House briefing room, their credentials seized. Yet last year the National Review stood firmly behind Jeff Gannon, a former male escort with no journalism background who was working for an amateur right-wing propaganda site, and then defended his special right to be waved into White House briefings -- under an alias -- without having to sit for a formal FBI background check so he could toss softball questions at administration officials." - Eric Boehlert, writing in the Huffington Post, on the conservative movement's increasingly dangerous myopia and hypocrisy. *** **** *** "If you think '04 was a mess, just wait. I anticipate a debacle." - Peg Rosenfield, an elections specialist with the League of Women Voters of Ohio, looking forward to another fun election cycle with unindicted election thief Kenneth Blackwell.

JOKES! Today's first joke was sent in by Nan or Ben! A seven year old boy was at the center of a Houston courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with the child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Houston Astros, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone. *** *** *** Thanks to our old pal Jon Quixote for sending in today's second joke. A man walks into a bar. He is an alcoholic who is destroying his life. WORST JOKE OF THE DAY Today's groaner was sent in by Jim Eby... A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blond. The blonde cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked. The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it." The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."

READER'S SOAPBOX! Got a gripe? Pet peeve? Have your say in the Daily Dirt! Columns can pretty much be about anything, as long they meet the following criteria: 1) don't write shit that'll get us in trouble. 2) Keep it interesting. 3) Keep it short. 4) We don't edit your mistakes. Oh yeah! feel free to send a picture of yourself if you want. TOPIC: POPULATION EXPLOSION DISASTER! care of: David Hey Jerky; When I was born, there were fewer than two and a half billion people on this earth. Now there are six and a half billion. It is projected that in less than 40 years, the world population will double. I have already witnessed more people added to the world’s population in my lifetime than all the people added in all of history that came before. Anybody got any ideas what will happen when this "population explosion" collides with the finite resources of our planet? Or is that too deep? Just wondered. Population Explosion! It is a dilemma the world faces today. People are desperately anxious for a better life so politicians routinely create an artificial prosperity by inflating the money supply. But when they inflate the money supply, they debase the currency. When they debase the currency, they destroy the purchasing power of workers. That destruction, in turn, adds a whole new layer to the impoverished, bringing even more desperation and more demands for a better life. In short, the zeal to escape from poverty generates inflation; and that inflation creates still more poverty. In other news (but related): In the Congo, a relatively unknown war that began roughly eight years ago, has left 4 million dead. That is more than the total fatalities suffered by both American and Japanese troops during all of World War II. The destruction of crops is enormous. The relative cost of food? Outrageous. In most of sub-Saharan Africa, South Asia, and South America, we see similar scenarios under way or in the making. These, in turn, are what are driving the millions of immigrants to Europe and North America. It is not just Mexican day laborers folks. We need to look at the big picture. Our politicians aren't. - David [Looks like it's time to rid the world of its useless eaters. On the bright side, all those mass graves will eventually blossom into bountiful gardens for the rest of us. - Jerky] FIRST AMENDMENT ZONE / ASK JERKY! Hey Jerky; Yesterday I was mindlessly listening to the TV and heard the news that Jesus didn't die on the cross. New evidence suggests he was taken out of the cave, still alive and went on to sire several children, who went on to be kings in Europe. It was called "In Search Of" and it was about some priest who found some scrolls, and the Vatican paid his off for his silence. Being slightly stoned, I thought about all the implications, if JC didn't rise from the dead, then the whole christian myth is bullshit and the church is the biggest money-making lie ever foisted on mankind. Then I thought about our current state of affairs and realized GWB is carrying on the "christian" tradition of lying. Then the whole thing made sense. Roegster [Tax the churches! Tax the businesses owned by the churches! - Jerky] *** **** *** Hey Jerky; How smart are you? Really? (snicker) I bet you are dumber than your right foot. How Smart Is Your Right Foot? Lets see if you can outsmart your right foot. 1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles with it. 2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand. If your brain is smarter than your foot, you will be able to keep making clockwise circles with your right foot. But if your foot is smarter, then it will change direction just to prove it is smarter. 3. You are soooooo smart. Heh, heh, heh. David A. [Weird. - Jerky] *** **** *** Joiks; These Miami Seven idiots are so ugly and stoopid. Did they think that they were going to get game by being terror pukes? Congrats on your portrayal. They will definitely learn what a numb, oh I mean, dumb ass is in prison. HaHa Multiman [I'm pretty sure most of them already know. - Jerky] *** **** *** Hey, does all this stuff going on in the middle east right now look like they lured the snake out and cut it's head off or what? I'd like to hear your thoughts before Bush makes Armageddon real. Is it just me or does it seem like a multitude is lining up against us flaunting our own hipocrisy against us? You make me laugh at the depravity of our times... Sandman in WA [I'm not exactly sure what you're saying, here, but I suspect you're mostly right. - Jerky] *** **** *** Jerky; My local dealership has had a sign warning owners to cover the VIN# for a year. When questioned, they said that they do ask for a registration, but if you tell them EVERYTHING is locked in your car they will cut you a key. This one is real. Our parking authority likes to check the VIN# and their agents will tell citizens that covering it is a crime... Numi [I cover it with my unpaid parking tickets. - Jerky] *** **** *** J, John Winthrop was the first governor of the great Commonwealth of Massachusetts. Beaver [I can't figure out what this is in reference to. Did I get another On This Day wrong? - Jerky] *** **** *** Jerk-off, In regards to your asnwer to ACD's First Amendment offering, I don't think Jesus would mind anybody thinking too much. That's why they crucified Him. He was guilty of telling people to look and think for themselves. On the other hand, there are plenty of religious phonies who don't want people to think at all. Just send the contents of your bank account to our address... Other thoughts... Surely somewhere there are some porny pictures of Ann Coulter! You should offer a reward, maybe team up with some others from the liberal middle America. Maybe have a Photoshop contest! I'd love to see here on all fours getting the probe from a Shetland pony. I'd do it myself 'cept I can't afford a copy... SW [Jesus wasn't crucified for saying people should think for themselves, he was crucified for pissing off The Powers That Be. As for Coulter doing porn, she once dated Bob "Penthouse" Guccione's son, so it wouldn't surprise me if there were snapshots and videos in a vault somewhere. - Jerky]

Send all Jokes, Letters and other stuff to Jerky: feedback@dailydirt.com